To All The People I’ve Sent to Sea

Sally added self-worth, selflessness, and seashells to her seashore Amazon storefront page. 

As a therapist working with young women building lives in New York City, I often guide clients through periods of transition in their relationships and social circles. This can include shifts in close friendships, family ties, or romantic partnerships that once brought comfort but now feel out of sync. While change can be challenging, in my therapy practice, I try to promote self-reflection, boundaries, and self-care when the tides seem to turn.

On a beautiful summer day in Montauk my friends and I were having girl talk with one of my most adored and fabulous family members. Known for her generosity, vivacious and young spirit, and SNL-worthy one-liners, she shared a metaphor about "sending people out to sea." This refers to making peace when a relationship no longer serves your highest good - appreciating it from afar rather than remaining onboard.

Her comment made me realize the power of self-reflection in my own reel estate (sea what I did there? Ok, I know, enough with the sailing-themed puns!) relationships, and situations I've outgrown. This can be a powerful act of self-care, prioritizing inner fulfillment when the tide seems rocky.

So, how do you know when to stop holding on when the tide is high and charter your own course instead? Here are some compass points to help you take control and navigate:

Focus inwards first. Check whether the relationship aligns with your core values and meets your emotional needs.

When we have a history with someone, it can be challenging to admit that the fond memories you once shared are now overshadowed by opposing values and unmet emotional needs. I often suggest clients do a little "dating app test." If this person’s profile popped up in your matches today—with all the qualities you currently try to ignore—would you swipe right or start a conversation? Chances are you’d say “they’re not for me.” We make exceptions for those we love and have a past with. Yet sometimes, those exceptions come at the cost of dulling our own light to keep the relationship afloat.

Please don’t take this as saying “everyone’s toxic, cut them all out.” This isn’t that kind of post. Consider this more of a thoughtful check-in: do your important connections uplift you or leave you feeling drained? Do they inspire you to show up as your best self? A little self-reflection along the way can reveal whether relationships are truly nurturing or keeping you anchored to the past.

Set boundaries if needed. If certain behaviors continuously hurt you, you have every right to set boundaries or limit interactions.

When certain behaviors consistently hurt you without change, you have every right to limit those interactions. Much like a stop light warns cars of dangerous intersections, establish boundaries to signal what behaviors you can and cannot accept. Compromise has its limitations, so identify core dealbreakers for your mental health upfront. Don't just cope with situations that continuously cause you distress! Prioritize your self-worth by clearly outlining what treatment you expect and deserve from others. If certain people cannot respect the reasonable boundaries you set, wish them well and focus on those who support your personal healing. 

During times of social or emotional transition, I advise my clients to journal about their needs and values first before making any sudden changes. While we cannot force someone to treat us differently, we have agency around choosing which connections best serve our growth versus cause more pain than good.

Release with love. If you ultimately decide to "send someone to sea," do so with compassion, not resentment. Wish them well on their own journey.

When I think of the vessel I’d like to send someone out to sea, I envision them on a seemingly smooth episode of Bravo’s Below Deck; heck, I’ll even throw them somewhere beautiful in the Mediterranean with Captain Lee.  While the disappointed parts of me are probably rooting for something more like the RHONY Boat Ride From Hell in Cartegena (episode Season 10, episode 17, if anyone is wondering), I realize the love I once had for that person is stronger than the resentment that might currently be brewing. Sending someone love and kindness from a distance does the trick just fine. And isn’t an amicable departure exactly the smooth sailing we’d hope for all involved?

Difficult times are inevitable in every relationship, but feeling seasick 365 days a year from it might not be worth it anymore. You always have the right to wish someone well on their own path, just as you choose your own direction guided by what's important to you. And if that means two people no longer traveling together, that is okay too. As a therapist, I help clients balance understanding others’ humanity while still standing up for their own worth and wellbeing. This means speaking your truth clearly, yet with care, then setting kind but firm expectations moving forward. Endings open new possibilities, either to discover new friends or rediscover yourself.

Change can be hard, but there are always new perspectives to gain. 

About the Author

I'm Brianna, a licensed therapist and the founder of On Par Therapy NYC, a counseling practice helping ambitious New York City women reduce anxiety, build confidence, and find balance.

Blending compassionate care with goal-oriented action plans, I work primarily with female executives, entrepreneurs, and grads seeking empathetic yet practical support. My specialty is nurturing resilience, emotional agility, and inner peace so you can show up as your best self both personally and professionally.

I draw upon research-backed modalities like CBT and mindfulness while customizing evidence-based insights for busy, growth-oriented women. If you feel overwhelmed juggling wellness with demanding work, relationships, or perfectionist tendencies, I provide a non-judgmental space to explore your needs.

Whether you're struggling with specific symptoms or seeking general life balance and purpose, let's chat. Reach out to info@onpartherapynyc.com to schedule a complimentary introduction call today. I'm here to help you reclaim stability, self-care, and belonging right in the heart of NYC.