From Situationship to Relationship: Securing Commitment
As a very long January concludes, we find ourselves on the goal line of cuffing season's super bowl — Valentine's Day. Whether you started off proclaiming this was just "having fun" (à la the classic cool girl rationale), somewhere along the way things got messy. The lines blurred. Emotions deepened. And what felt light and breezy transformed into a anxiety-inducing situationship leaving you feeling confused and vulnerable.
You convinced yourself this quasi-relationship occupied some perfect grey area — no strings attached yet all the intimacy and affection of partnership. But the subsequent whiplash of hot and cold connection has you questioning if this in-between was ever sustainable or healthy.
The truth? You deserve more. More clarity. Consistency. Communication. Here's the real deal on navigating situationships, from a therapist and former “cool girl” who’s been there a time or two.
What are Situationships?
Relationships occupy ambiguous grey areas between casual and committed. They usually involve ongoing physical intimacy, affectionate couple-y behaviors, and emotional bonding. Yet they also come with zero defined expectations, extreme flakiness, and rampant ambiguity.
Like intimate friendships vulnerable to ghosting at any moment. Red flags galore.
Rooted in Attachment Theory
Situationships are comprised of the perfect avoidant meets anxious attachment theory rom com.
Let’s look at the push/pull cycle that takes place. The push/pull cycle refers to fluctuations between emotional closeness and distance in a relationship. One partner pursues intimacy and closeness, while the other partner feels discomfort with too much intensity so they withdraw or create distance. This compels the other person to then pursue even harder, triggering another withdrawal or distancing reaction. A repetitive back-and-forth gets established over time.
Who Do Situationships Work For?
The party who enjoys affection and intimacy when convenient for them. But situationships leave both parties confused, hurt long-term, and unable to cultivate real intimacy and partnership. They undermine security and self-worth for all involved.
How to Leave Situationships Behind
Gain clarity yourself on relationship needs and non-negotiables. Do you seek an emotionally available, reliable partner and clearly communicated commitment? Don’t downplay these standards.
Communicate wants clearly at the start when dating. Example text if confronted with flakiness:
“I've been reflecting more on what I truly want right now versus making assumptions. If it feels like we're ultimately seeking different levels of connection, I completely understand.”
If confronted with resistance, diminished effort, hot/cold behavior - you have your answer. Don't cling to crumbs of intermittent affection. Walk away.
Level Up this Valentine's Day
Choose yourself and true partnership over situationship quicksand. You deserve to feel valued by someone consistent, emotionally present, eager to define a healthy relationship. Now go communicate boldly!
About the Author
I'm Brianna, the founder of On Par Therapy NYC. I transformed my passion for empowering people into a counseling practice focused on helping busy New York women reduce anxiety, improve confidence, and find balance and purpose.
I blend evidence-based techniques with intuitive insights from my own growth to nurture resilience, self-awareness, and inner peace. Wellness is not just about eliminating symptoms; it’s about wholeheartedly fostering self-care and fulfillment. Whether at the starting line or yearning for a pivotal shift in your recovery, you’re in the right place. I supply the resources, strength-based support, and know-how for quieting your inner critic, speaking kindly to yourself, and feeling at home in your skin.
Let's lean into self-discovery, embrace the process, and journey together toward mental health that empowers you to show up fully as your best self. Your dreams of balance and belonging? Let's make them a reality. Reach out INFO@ONPARTHERAPYNYC.COM to schedule a complimentary 15-minute intro call.
